AGING: Learning how to use your toes, instead of bending over.
The Sperm Count
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well,doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’
The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’
The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’
1.Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
A man was telling his neighbor, ' I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Three Old Guys
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a soda.'
In Your Ear
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
'"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear? " Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."